I'm getting a tattoo. The thing is, it's going to have to be quite big, so I'm not sure where to put it. I may start on my forehead with the title, but there is some small print, which goes on quite a bit, which will need a home.
I've already drawn it out, ready for a game tattoo artist to copy here:
but, the small print is very small print, so I have transcribed it here for you:
Do Not Tell Me What to Do
... for I have a huge character flaw which means that I get QUITE angry and annoyed on the inside when people tell me what to do. Of course, being the big drip that I am I never tell the people telling me what to do (unless it's my husband of course, but he deserves it) to shut the hell up, so I stay feeling angry and annoyed for quite a while. It is entirely hypocritical of me because I'm sure I'm always telling other people what to do, but then maybe they don't hate it QUITE as much as I do. The thing is that it's not that I think I know EVERYTHING when I rail against people giving me constant unsolicited advice and orders, it's that I like to find things out for myself, teach myself, learn for myself. In fact it's pretty much what my WHOLE life is about, so other people telling me what to do without having been asked is kind of an intrusion. I may be paranoid, but I seem to attract a lot of unsolicited advice and telling-me-what-to-do behaviour. Maybe it's just because I hate it so much that I feel like people never stop telling me what to do, or maybe it's because I don't live very much like many other people in the world, so that many other people in the world think I need telling a thing or two. I may well attract an awful lot of it because I'm not Portuguese, and, as most old Portuguese ladies know, the English are all a bit dim and incompetent and are absolutely the most impractical people you can find about the place, but let me assure you that they are wrong, that we're very practical, rather brilliant (and humble) and just because I do it differently, does not make me wrong. Now, I understand that all this is not entirely reasonable of me, that I should, like other people, rise above it and smile sweetly, but it's a defect that's as deeply engraved in my soul as this tattoo is in my skin, so that's why I have this tattoo so all the people of the world can read it and give me advice only when I ask for it OR if I have started dribbling and am no longer capable of rational thought. Thank you.
I am aware that ownership of this tattoo will mean my being cut out of my mother's will, as she has always insisted that she would do such a thing should I tattoo even a centimetre of my body. But, needs must.
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